Chairperson Mao ?? to December 4th 2010 RIP

You died last night.  You had been sick for a little over a month and had been losing weight for a little while.  You were not as vocal or playful as you had been for quite a while.  You slept more and played fetch less.

You came into my life in fall of 2008.  I found you on craigslist and immediately knew you were mine.  I picked you up and never let you go.  Until now.  When I brought you home for the first time you weren’t scared.  You walked around like you owned the place and settled on my bed for the night.  You loved me so much that you would sit outside the door while I showered and cried until I came out.  John said you would cry when I left for work.  You wouldn’t go sleep with him, you wanted me to be home.  I’m so very glad to be home with you during the last months of your life.

You came into my life when I needed you.  You made me feel loved and I spoiled you the best I knew how.  You were the light of my life.  You slept on me to keep me warm and purred me to sleep.  You gently mewed at me in the mornings.  Our mornings were my favorite part, your snuggling up next to me and mewing when you felt me move.  The sun would hit your face and you looked so beautiful.  The mornings were my favorite.

You charmed everyone who met you.  People would always comment on your pictures and remark about your markings.  Your mews were utter music to my ears.  I will never forget you.  You were the perfect cat incarnate.  You always knew exactly what I needed.  You were the perfect snuggle buddy and lap warmer.  Your purrs made every single problem seem obsolete.  I hope you know how much you meant to me and how much you helped me.  I don’t know what I would have done without you.

I feel robbed.  You were too young to die.  I wish I could have done more.  I wish the vet would have figured it out.  I wish I would have held you longer, whispered more ‘I love yous.’  I wish I would have given you more tuna, forcefed you less.  Had I known I would not see you again I would have been more grateful of our time together.

I know that you are now the ‘Princess of Heaven’ and that you have full understanding of how much I loved you.  I know you don’t have any more sickness of pain.  I know your purpose in my life is complete.  I know you know how much I am hurting.

I remember you loved laying in the sun, tuna, chasing bottle caps, lap lounging, your whale, and many other things that made you so special.  You were more than a cat to me, more than my familiar.  I know you understand all of this now.  I know that you are at peace.  I know you know I love you, yet all I want to tell you is how much I love you, how much I miss you.

While I try to fill the hole you left in my life, you will never be replaced.  Its unfair of me to think a new cat will be anything like you.  I know I only got one chance with you and it was too short.  I hope you guide me in to find my next best friend knowing that they have large shoes to fill.

You have helped me in so many ways and I an eternally grateful.  I will miss you always and love you forever.

I was lucky to have ever met you. My love, my life.

 

 

Full Plate

Now that I’ve had a chance to relax a bit I’m feeling motivated.

Things I need to do:

1. Finish My take home exam due Tues.

2. Start my Vision Board.

3. Email perspective advisers on my thesis

• 3.A. Fix up my resume to email out as well.
• do some research so I don’t sound like an idiot

4. Get down to business on this non profit creation stuff

5. Learn how to grant write.

6. Have more fun.

• which includes leaving Rochester a bit more

• Stop worrying about my cat as much

7. Stop worrying about everything and anything.

2nd meeting with the therapist on Tuesday and I also set up an appointment with a career counselor so I can get a grasp on what I want to do? Because I don’t know what that is.

I’m happy.

Mao’s Nude.

Not in these pics.

Pretty Pretty Princess

Concerned and yet...not.

gross over posting

BUT, I wanted to share what N got me for V day.

Manicure

Ate berries in the canaries (OPI)

And a much needed eyebrow wax.

Eye, thanks

L that man.

Mao and Me.

So I almost forgot to post Mao shots in her new home! Oh!

Here’s the bear:

Telling me who's boss.

My new (well not so new - my natural) dark hairs!

doing things.

Snatched.

Sporadic.

Since my last oddly self pity-ing post things have changed.  I moved back to my parents house in Rochester.  While not a upward move, and not really a lateral move either, it was more a necessary move.  I’m still unemployed, I will be unemployed for a year in May.  Crazy.  I seriously cringe and possibly vomit and the thought of being in another cubicle and having a set limit on free time.  Fuck the weekends.  I need to start playing the lottery.

I’m less depressed and don’t worry about my animal’s safety anymore.  On my last couple of days in my old house my room mate (king of the douches) kicked in my door in a drunken rage of idiocy.  I had put Mao in there with food and her box to leave the house for some much needed time away.  I came home to find the door kicked in and my poor cat in terror.  It makes me wonder, how do people get this way?   I hope he never breeds.

Anyway, he will never magically turn into a good person, so I, as a good person, decided rather than hating or fighting with him ever again, simply he no longer exists.

END of Story.

Moving home was peaceful, I have my own space and my own clean bathroom and tub.  Mao loves roaming around this seemingly endless new abode.  She is more playful and less loud (oddly enough?).  She seems more content.  I am more content too.  While it may have its shares of downs, this move has been positive for me.

I should have very little to complain about.

I need to start being productive.

Things I need to start doing:

1. My thesis – my new topic is on liquor licensing in MI (riveting I know)

2. Apply for jobs – ? I need to find jobs I actually want to do right?

3. blogging more

4. exercising – yes yes yes

5. reading.  Not just for school.  Even without a tv I watch way too much hulu. its like crack I swear.

I start counseling on Tuesday and I’m nervous.  Should I be nervous? I know I want tools to deal with my stress and validation issues, but what else do I want out of this adventure?

I really love my boyfriend, I count my lucky stars everyday I get to be with him.  For all his faults, he’s perfect.

I am lucky and full of love.

What do I want to do with my life?

I wish I had a clue.

Lazy Day

Last night was Lady Gaga! I went with Sarah and her cousin and co-worker.  It was amazing!

All of my plans today were cancelled on me. So I’ve decided to make a list of things I need to do instead of doing them.

1. Shower

2. Import all my BB photos and internets photos

3. import stolen music from KT and N

4. Start Thesis Research

5. Practice test for Census interview tomorrow

6. Laundry

7. Clean/organize room

Wow, that its self is an accomplishment.  I quit.

I hope she knows how spoiled she is.

Tik Tok on the Clock, the Party Don’t Stop.

I hung out with N’s fam all day long! I watched 4.5 hours of football and didn’t rip out my eyes.  N’s fam is really great.  They are actually nice people and got me xmas gifts.  Totally unexpected and sweet.  I got bubble bath, lotion, gluten free pasta and tons of other cute things. I’m very blessed.  N’s mom was telling me how hard it was to watch someone else take care of her son (he was sick), but I was more than capable.  It was very very sweet and I  can only imagine how hard it might be to let go of your baby.  Luckily she had her chance to take care of him for the last couple days as he was  really really sick and at his parents.  My poor baby.

At home watching Demons on BBC America with Katie.

I also maneuvered my way over to  N’s parents house only getting little lost.  Boosh!

My boo

cutes.

New Year

My new years res’ are relatively simple in theory, not so much in context.  I’m doing it.

So here it starts.

10 things I LOVE about myself

1. My hair (vain I know, but its a great color and texture and is naturally awesome).

2. My ass.  Its there and great.

3. I am a good friend, really.

4. I’m really responsible.

5. I’m really driven to accomplish what I set out to.

6. I am a thoughtful girlfriend.

7. I recycle and am earth friendly (outside of my huge ass minivan).

8. I really appreciate my spiritual gifts.

9. I am a responsible pet owner.

10. I am beautiful inside and out.

10 things I TRULY enjoy doing

1. Playing with my cat.

2. Being with my boyfriend.

3. Being with my friends.

4. Singing in the car.

5. Spending the night in with good friends and a good movie we don’t really watch.

6. Walking Slayer with Sarah.

7. Exercising.

8. Going out and Dancing.

9. Doing Yoga.

10. Being Spiritual (yeah I know).

There ya go.

lets get all zen and shit.

New computer!

So I finally cracked Apple and they gave me a new computer.  Unfortunately I lost my old hard drive and everything on it, including my entire paper portfolio. Not so fun, but new! Really fancy new and I bought applecare for the next three years! So I feel set.  I may try and fandangle someone to do data retrieval off my old water damaged hard drive.  Anyone know how to do this? I’m really upset about losing all my pictures.

My tummy hurts.

wah.